The Day I Lost You: A totally gripping psychological thriller Read online

  The next thing we knew, it had been a year. Twelve months of failed tests and crushed hopes. Nothing either of us said or thought could change the fact that something was up. We had sex like clockwork at the right times, yet still I could not get a positive test result.

  Michael was thirty. I was three months out from my twenty-ninth birthday. We had no medical history that would suggest there was a problem, but something was causing a delay.

  “What if this never happens? What if we can’t have a baby? Will you still love me?” I’d ask.

  “It’ll happen,” Michael said. “And of course I’d still love you. I’d love you no matter what happened. We simply have to keep trying. That’s what the doctor said.” We’d just come back from getting fertility tests done. The results showed no issues with either of us. We were told in a dismissive tone merely to keep at it until we got a positive test.

  “But what if it doesn’t happen?” I asked him over and over. He’d tell me what I needed to hear, reassuring me it was nobody’s fault. But another month would go by without anything happening. The pressure was beginning to take its toll on my hopes.

  By the time we were eighteen months past the first night we had tried, Michael avoided talking about our attempts to fall pregnant. It wasn’t that he didn’t care; he was merely trying to spare my feelings.

  With our attempts to have a baby out of the spotlight, Michael started spending more time working after hours on his résumé, doing everything possible to get a foot in the door at a bigger law firm. After some time all he ever talked about was his attempts to get a job at a big firm, where the “real money” was.

  When we were one month out from the two-year mark, I almost gave up on the idea that we’d ever have a baby. I spent the next thirty days getting used to the fact that it would never happen and tried to think what I would focus all of my energy on instead.

  So that morning, when I got a positive result, I could barely believe it. I took another test. Three positive sticks later, I called into work for a full day off, so I could go to the doctor’s and confirm everything with a blood test. None of it felt real until the doctor confirmed what the tests had already told me. I felt weightless, looking forward to the wonderful surprise I’d get to give Michael. It had finally happened! I let a sense of relief wash over me; I could now go to my husband and give him the news we’d wanted to hear for so long.

  I left everything out on the counter for Michael to see, as I waited patiently for him to arrive. He would be home any minute. When he discovered that I was pregnant, he would see that there was still hope for us, that we could be a family. I’d make him see that there were more rewarding things in the world than a career, and that I could be a good mother.

  The door to the apartment unlocked with a click as Michael twisted his keys and jiggled the lock. He pushed the door open and shuffled inside, briefcase and coat in hand. His tie was already undone, his collar unbuttoned. He had killed himself again, trying to climb the ladder. My news would show him that he didn’t need to do that anymore. We could focus on our child instead.

  “Hi, honey,” he called out when he saw me. He dumped his gear down and ran a hand through his tousled hair.

  “Hello,” I said, as I stepped over to him, trying to contain the smile dying to burst out of me. “How was your day?” I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. His tired face edged into a smile.

  “Good to see you too, honey,” he said. “You’re never going to believe what happened at work today.”

  I glanced back to the counter to the blood test. I couldn’t wait. He had to know. “Can I show you something first?”

  “Just a sec. I’ve got something important to tell you.” He drew me in with both hands on my shoulders. I gazed into his eyes, trying to predict what he was about to tell me. It was something big, I knew that much.

  “I got the job,” he whispered.

  “Sorry?” I asked, as if I didn’t understand English.

  “I got the job,” he repeated, with a lot more vigor. “You are now looking at the newest lawyer to join the team at Morris & Wilcox.”

  “Oh my god, honey. That’s amazing,” I said, almost stunned to hear his news. I twisted back to the counter. My big news would have to wait a moment.

  “You’re damn right it is. We’re talking triple the salary for the same number of hours. Things are going to change, so much. We can finally afford to move out of this damn shoebox apartment into a real place with a few spare bedrooms.”

  I faced him again with a smile at the thought of those spare bedrooms and gave him a hug. I spoke over his shoulder as we embraced. “I’m so proud of you, honey. You got the job! I can’t believe it.”

  “Thank you. I was beginning to doubt myself for a minute there, but I knew if I just kept persisting, they’d take me on. Damn, it feels good.”

  “I’ll bet,” I said, as Michael moved further into the apartment. He went past the test results on the kitchen counter, straight to the fridge. He pulled out two beers and twisted them open. He handed me a bottle and clinked his against mine with a “Cheers” before taking a big swig. I stood there and watched as he swallowed a third of the liquid in one gulp.

  He stood there, one hand on the counter, the other lifting his beer for another swig. He glanced over to me once he had finished smiling to himself. “You gonna drink that or what?” He knew I should have been on my period by now. I’d thought I was just a little late—my scheduled test had come back negative. But a few days later, I was still late, so I’d tried another test this morning.

  “I can’t,” I said.

  “What do you mean you can’t? It’s a beer. I’ve seen you drink them plenty of times before.”

  “Okay then, I’m not allowed to.”

  Michael stared at me with a confused frown. He still wasn’t getting it.

  “Wait. If it’s because you want to drink the good stuff to celebrate, I understand. The beer is just a placeholder. You and I are going to hit the town tonight and do this right.”

  “That’s not it, honey,” I said, my voice slightly above a whisper. “Why don’t you take a look at those pieces of paper sitting there.”

  Michael leaned sideways a little. “What is this?” he asked as he picked up the medical note. His eyes darted left and right as he absorbed the information. “Wait. Is this saying…?”

  “Yes,” I said, as I leaped toward him. “We’re pregnant. It finally happened.” I was right in front of him, gazing into his eyes to see his reaction. His mouth hung open. A smile slowly stretched out across his face.

  “Is this for real?” he asked with a chuckle.

  “It is, honey. We did it.”

  “We did it,” he echoed. “It finally happened. We’re having a baby.”

  My mind was filled with a thousand different things at once. All of it good, for a change. To see Michael smile with happiness that could not be matched by anything else was beyond amazing. I had stupid fears that he would leave me for someone who could give him a child. Especially considering the amazing opportunity he had just received.

  I shoved my doubts away and focused on our celebration. We hugged for a long while. Michael kept muttering in my ear: “I can’t believe it. This is crazy. First I get the job, now this.”

  I pulled back. “You’re happy about this, right?”

  “Yes. More than anything else in the world. I just can’t believe how lucky I am right now.”

  “We deserve this,” I said. “It’s been two long years. Finally, we’re getting rewarded for our hard work.”

  “We are,” he said. “This is our time. Things are going to be perfect.”

  That was almost five years ago. Our future seemed bright. The possibilities felt endless. Little did I know that our marriage was on a downward spiral I could never stop.

  Three

  Now

  The ride up seems to be taking longer than it should. The elevator in this building is supposed to be an express system when you
select the top floor. I’m on edge straight away that the elevator is taking so long to reach its destination.

  “Mommy? Why does Daddy live on the top floor?”

  I sigh and put on a happy face to answer Alice. I must respond to questions like this thirty times per day. She’s at that curious age; she wants an answer to her every thought.

  “Well, Bunny, your daddy has a very important job for a company that pays him a lot of money. That means he can afford to live at the top of a building like this.”

  “Okay,” Alice says with a twisted brow. I doubt she fully understands me, but how else can I explain it?

  Michael sends me child support and pays my rent every month. He’s never been late with a single payment and makes sure I know it. I refuse to take alimony on top of that, not wanting a cent more of his precious money than is needed to give Alice the life she deserves. I would rather work my low-paying admin job and earn the money I need than give him the satisfaction of paying my way in full.

  His career was part of the reason we split up, when Alice was only six months old. His beloved job at the law firm always came first. Alice came second; he’d spend time with her after a long day at work. I was continuously the last thing he thought about. I was lucky if he said two words to me per day.

  What initiated our relationship’s descent was something I couldn’t stop from happening. I never imagined things would go that way in a million years, yet he blamed me for that day and refused to forgive me for it.

  The elevator comes to a sudden stop. I stumble a little as it shakes with a jolt. Alice grips my clothing and legs tighter than before. Then, all we hear is silence. The motors aren’t grinding away to defy gravity and haul us up to the top of the building. There is no electrical hum. Just a creaking groan from above that sends a stab of panic straight down into my body.

  “Mommy?” Alice asks. I should have spoken first to reassure her everything is fine, but my mouth doesn’t want to function. My fear matches hers.

  She tugs at my leg. I stare down to see her eyes well up. “It’s okay, Bunny. The elevator has stopped. Nothing to worry about.” I squat down to her level and run my hand gently over her cheek. I pull her in tight before the tears truly begin to flow.

  “Mommy will check it and see what’s going on. Just stand here by the wall and hold on to the rail.” I guide Alice over and place her hand up to the metal bar. I turn around to the panel and take in a deep breath as the overhead lights flicker off and back on. We must be stuck just before level seven, based on the readout.

  “God,” I mutter to myself. Of all the days for the elevator system to screw up, it had to be when we were coming to see Michael unscheduled. I shake my head and try to focus on the task at hand, instead of trying to find every negative thing about the current situation. It’s a coping strategy recommended to me by my doctor. I have no idea if it really works or not.

  “Okay,” I say to myself. Apart from the floor numbers, there are few options to press other than door open, door close, and emergency stop. There is an emergency call button, but I don’t want to press that until I have to. Henry will have me thrown out of the building if we have to call anyone for help. I know we didn’t touch the stop button or any others by accident. We were both huddled in the middle, waiting out the long ride up to the top.

  I slap the number fourteen a few times to see if I can get things going. Nothing happens. “What the heck?” I say, watching my language. I try again and get the same result.

  “What’s wrong, Mommy?” Alice calls out behind me.

  I turn back to her just as the lights all go out and throw the elevator into complete darkness. I hear her breath quicken as panic sets in. It takes everything I have not to fall victim to the same fear. I close my eyes and try not to imagine the elevator plummeting down the shaft.

  “Bunny, it’s okay. The lights went out. Come to my voice.” I reach out my hands, trying to find her in the dark. Why can’t I find her? She should be close by. I step forward until I reach the metal wall of the elevator. “What?” I mutter, realizing I must have stumbled in the wrong direction. “Bunny? Alice?” She should be answering me.

  I realize I can’t hear her breathing. Has she fallen over? Has she squashed herself down to the floor to hide from the dark? I decide enough is enough, and claw through my bag to find my cell and activate its obscenely bright flashlight. I unlock the screen and fire up the light. My eyes take a second to adjust as the brightness reflects off every metallic surface inside the car. Alice is not where I left her. My heart skips a beat.

  “Mommy?” she says from behind.

  I spin around and unintentionally shine the light in her eyes. “Thank God,” I say. My shoulders relax from their tense state. Alice is now by the control panel. We must have gone right by each other in the dark. How could I be so stupid to not notice her like that?

  “Stay there, Bunny. I’m going to try and call someone.” I bring my phone up to my face, leaving the flashlight on, as I try to work out who I can even call.

  “But, Mommy, there are lights over here.” Alice starts pressing buttons before I can get a word out.

  “No, Bunny, don’t do—”

  The elevator doors pop open with a ding, but stop after only a single foot. That’s when I get confirmation that we are not quite at the seventh level. The car’s floor hasn’t quite matched up with seven’s landing, and there is a small step up to it through the narrow gap.

  Alice charges to the light pouring into the elevator from the seventh floor.

  “Bunny, wait. That door could close on us at any moment.”

  Alice stops in front of the opening and stares out to the floor. She doesn’t say a word.

  “Come back to Mommy,” I say. I try not to let the thought of her getting crushed by closing doors pin me down with fear.

  “But I don’t like it in here. It’s dark and scary. I want to take the stairs.”

  “It’s okay, Bunny. I’m here for you. I’ll keep us safe.” I try to move toward her, but my legs feel too heavy.

  Alice shakes her head and steps further into the gap.

  “What are you doing?” I yell. I fight through the feeling of being rooted to the ground and rush toward my daughter as she climbs through the space and up into the seventh floor.

  “Alice, come back here right now,” I say as she runs away. I find myself wedged in the door as I try to push through.

  “I’m going to find Daddy,” Alice says. “He’ll know what to do.”

  “No, Bunny,” I yell. “He’s not on this floor. Alice, come back here.”

  It’s the worst time for the elevator to start shaking, and then it drops almost a foot down. My phone falls out onto the seventh floor with a sickening thud and slides away. My heart skips a beat and then pumps with fear as a vision of being crushed to death fills my mind. The sudden jolt of the elevator scares Alice further away from me, and she stumbles backward.

  Then, without warning, the doors begin to squeeze shut. I’m still too deep in the elevator to push my way out. The car drops again, this time only a small amount, but the doors continue to squeeze closed around me. I realize I have no other option but to fall back inside.

  I focus on Alice with wide eyes. “Stay there, Bunny. Don’t go anywhere. Mommy will come find you once she gets this door open, I promise.”

  “Okay, Mommy,” she says to me as I squeeze backward and watch the elevator doors seal shut. The lights flick back on along with the sound of the motor.

  The display flashes at me with its next intended target. That’s when I realize I’m heading back down to the lobby, while Alice is stuck on the seventh floor—alone.

  Four

  The elevator plummets back down as I watch each floor tick by on the display above me. The car seems to be taking forever to reach the lobby as I pace around in a panicked rush.

  “Come on, come on,” I mutter to myself.

  I stand at the front while the elevator settles slowly to the grou
nd floor. The doors pop open with a ping, and I see a few people waiting.

  “I need to go back up. My daughter is stuck on the seventh floor,” I yell as I slap the button to close the doors. For some reason, they remain defiantly open. A few crooked glances come my way, along with some muted comments as the confused group exchange complaints.

  I couldn’t care less if I’ve ruined their day; my daughter is in this oversize building alone. I slap the seventh-floor button over and over. Nothing happens.

  “Come on,” I let out as I try again to close the doors. It isn’t until my third attempt at bashing the button that I realize the panel is entirely unresponsive. I try to reason why, but no rational thoughts come to mind. All I can think about is getting back to Alice.

  “Are you okay, miss?” one of the people asks. “Did you say your daughter is stuck on the seventh floor?”

  “Yes!” I say to the woman without looking toward her. “I need to get back up there right now.”

  “Okay,” she replies. “Go see the young man on reception. He’ll help you out.”

  “No, no, no,” is all I can say as I try to fix the problem myself by slapping my palm against every button. No amount of frustration will repair it.

  I pace around in a circle as I try to find a solution. I shake out my hands, flopping my wrists hard. Nothing comes to mind. I’m going to have a panic attack any second now if I don’t generate an idea. Think, dammit.

  I can hear my breath tighten.

  I can feel the world closing in.

  I can taste blood in my mouth.

  “Alice?” I ask out loud.

  Running out of the elevator, I charge past the three people. I knock a man’s groceries to the floor in the process as I rush back to reception, back to Henry. I ignore the complaints behind me and focus on the receptionist. I don’t care that he will find out that I used the elevator without his permission. All that matters is finding Alice.