Devotion Read online

  I think about what should have been all the time. So much so I barely sleep some nights. I can't stop myself from imagining what my world should have been like if I had only called Corey after we kissed and pushed to see him again. We'd be married by now. We'd be the ones living together, building the foundations for a lifetime of happiness.

  All this business with Katherine is merely a delay. She's a speed bump in our story that needs to be removed. And I intend to do the dirty work required to repair the damage she has caused.

  39

  Katherine

  I can't believe what I'm staring at as I reread the email Corey printed off and left in my classroom. The crumpled piece of paper got crushed by his anger. I can feel his rage in each crease I attempt to iron out on my desk. As I get the sheet flat enough, several drops of tears splash the ink on the page.

  I go over the message I supposedly sent to Barbara and Jessica. Apparently, I spilled to them how I solved Corey's big problem and not him. Someone else in the school did this to screw with me. But no one knew about any of it. I didn't tell a soul I'd helped Corey. Not even Annette. It's not that I don't trust her, but all it would have taken was for her to mention it to another person to start a chain reaction.

  So who did this to me?

  Barry? No. Why would the principal do something as stupid as that? He has enough drama on his plate on a normal day. He doesn't need more problems from the staff. Unless he wants to fire me and figured this was a good way to shake things up and get me angry. No, it can't be true.

  I sound like a crazy person with these thoughts buzzing in my brain, screwing with me. Whoever sent this message from my account has no idea how much damage they've caused between Corey and me.

  I struggle through the last few hours of the day, messing up my words as I deliver them to the class. The email rattles around in my head, taking control of my every thought. The kids seem to be able to sense something is wrong and misbehave. I not only lose my authority over them but my ability to focus.

  A sigh of relief escapes me when the last child leaves my room for the day with their parent by their side. But any calm I have soon rushes out the door as I remember what has happened today. It feels like a bad dream I can't wake from, so much so the walls of the room close in on me.

  My heart races as a layer of sweat builds up on my forehead. My breath comes in uncontrolled rasps. I can feel it coming on, crippling me, dragging me down to the depths to surround me with every fear I hold all at once: a panic attack.

  Rushing to my desk, I trip over a chair leg and fall to the floor like a clumsy idiot. On my hands and knees, I crawl to my seat and drag myself up to the drawer in my table I remember has a brown paper bag sitting inside, ready for me to use when hyperventilating.

  I pull out the already-crumpled packet and wrap it around my mouth in a hurry and throw my rapid breathing in and out of the pouch. Within a few seconds, my short breaths transition into longer ones as I breathe normally again. The tension in my body fades as I let myself fall to the floor in a heap.

  I lie on the ground, eyes closed, praying no one walks in on me in this state. If a parent came back now, forgetting their kid's sweater for example, I'd struggle to explain it. The truth would come out that I was having a panic attack at school. Would I lose my job as a result?

  I force myself up and shove the toppled-over chair into place before brushing the dirt off my clothing. It always amazes me how filthy the thin carpet in my room gets every day from a bunch of first-graders running around.

  Deciding I need to leave before another attack comes on, I grab a stack of paperwork from my desk and bring it with me. It will be a miracle if I sit down tonight and do this work, but at least I'm attempting to take the task home.

  Knowing Ava needs collecting, I realize I must get my head straight before I pick her up. I can't have my daughter seeing that there's yet another problem between Corey and me. At least not until I can no longer hide it.

  On autopilot, I hurry to the office, desperate to see Annette. I need her now more than ever to help me somehow solve my impossible problems. If she can't think of a solution, she'll have to listen to me vent my frustrations. I'll take whatever she offers.

  I find Annette busy wrapping up a conversation with a parent from behind the Perspex glass in the office. There are two more people in line behind the first, each needing something. Frustrated, I grab a seat in the waiting area.

  The clock on the wall ticks louder than it has ever before. I didn't even know the damn thing existed until now. Only the sound of my fingernails tapping against the metal frame of the chair I'm perched on drowns out the rhythm of the ticking. I close my eyes and remember to breathe.

  "Kat?" Annette calls out a few feet from me.

  I open my eyes to find my friend standing over me, out from the safety of her office.

  "What's going on? Are you okay? You look like you're about to pass out."

  "Do you have a minute to talk? I need to see you, please."

  Annette bites her lower lip and scratches the back of her neck. "I've got a lot of work to—"

  "Please," I say, standing. "I need to talk to you. Something messed up has happened today."

  "Okay, okay," Annette says as she grabs me around my shoulders and guides me into her office like I'm an escaped dementia patient and sits me down in a spare chair. "What's going on?"

  I take in a deep breath and tell her about Corey and the email. It all explodes out of me in a hurry. If anyone can hear our conversation, they'd have to assume I've lost my mind.

  Annette had the email forwarded to her but didn't have time to read it until now. "This makes no sense. Why would someone do this to you?"

  "I don't know. It's insane, right? It's not like I go around the school making enemies, so why would anyone try to screw up things between Corey and I?"

  Annette doesn't answer and shakes her head. "I can't imagine any of the teachers doing this. Not even that old crow Susan. She wouldn't even know how to—"

  Annette stops speaking mid-sentence and stares off into the distance.

  "What is it?" I ask, gripping her wrist.

  She faces me with a smile. "I just thought of something."

  40

  Katherine

  Thank God I have Annette as a friend. She's so smart and calm in a crisis. While I hyperventilate and overreact, she thinks up a solution to my problem within a few minutes of hearing it.

  After I told Annette about the terrible email sent out to the two gossiping teachers from my account, she had an epiphany.

  "You can trace who sent the email."

  "What do you mean? It says it came from me."

  "No, I mean you might be able to trace which computer the email came from. There are these things in emails called headers in every message you send. I had to learn about our internal system a while back as part of my job. If they sent the email through your school account, we should be able to work out which computer it was from provided it's one in the school's network."

  I lean in close to Annette's screen as she goes through a file from the message with a bunch of text I don't understand. She finds something she tells me is called an IP address and looks it up using another program. We both stare at the screen when the name of the computer comes up.

  "That can't be right," Annette says. "It has to be some kind of mistake."

  I remain silent as I read the computer's identity again and again. The word GRAYSON-COREY-LAPTOP-BBES sits on Annette's screen mocking me.

  Annette speaks first. "Someone must have taken his—"

  "No. It can't have been stolen. He had it all weekend at home and brought it in to school this morning. It hasn't left his side."

  "Someone might have broken into his classroom and—"

  "No. They'd need keys, and he'd have told me if the lock or a window was smashed."

  "What are you saying then?"

  I turn to Annette. The angst that was crippling my face turns into anger. "
Corey sent the email."

  "Come on. You can't be serious. He would never do that to you."

  "Wouldn't he? You and I both know in terms of experience and skill that I deserved the promotion over him. Yet he got it."

  "Yeah, but I'm sure things like this happen. They promote the wrong people every day."

  "Maybe, but Corey was the one to hand in both our applications."

  Annette's eyes shift rapidly left and right as I see her put together everything I'm telling her. "You don't think he—"

  "Yes. Corey sabotaged my application for the position. And now he's hell bent on making me seem jealous and pathetic enough to spread rumors around about his job performance."

  Annette's mouth drops open as she turns away from me. "This is crazy. Why would he do this to you?"

  I feel the tears pouring from my eyes run down my cheeks as my anger dissolves into fear. "Because he's just like Peter. Somehow, that's the only type of man I seem to attract. And now his true self is coming out." I slide my hands over my face and fight the urge to cry. I fail.

  "Hey, hey," Annette says, pulling me in tight. "We don't know that for sure. Maybe this is all a strange coincidence. Or maybe it's…"

  Annette trails off. I can hear it in her voice that she has no explanation to why Corey is trying to control me the way my ex did.

  "It's happening again," I say, "but this time I've married the man."

  41

  Annette

  Oh my god. Things couldn't have gone better if I tried. Some days, everything falls into place so well I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming.

  Katherine ate up every word yesterday. She believed the worst possibilities about her husband with little prompting. I gave her enough information for her to draw her own conclusions.

  Things are progressing much faster than I planned. I can barely keep up with the rate at which Katherine and Corey's marriage is falling apart. They're both sinking into place and playing their roles exactly as I want them to without knowing they are being manipulated. I hate doing such a thing to Corey, but Katherine's spell needs breaking.

  It's early in the morning. None of the teachers have arrived at school yet except for Corey. He's so devoted to his new position. So much so that I think it's time he got to hear about it from a supportive friend.

  I knock on Corey's door and let myself into his room.

  "Hey," he says, his voice half deflated. It pains me to identify how badly he's hurting, but I'm here to make him forget his troubles.

  "How's everything going?" I ask.

  "Oh, you know," he replies from his desk. I can see him grading some papers for his students. All the extra work he's doing as a lead teacher is setting him back a little in his regular classwork.

  "That bad, huh?"

  "Yeah, it is. I'm sure you've read the email Kat sent."

  "I have." I walk up to his workstation, arms wrapped around my body as I do my best to convey my concern to him.

  He lets out a heavy sigh and scratches the stubble on his face. "I don't know what to think anymore. How could she have done that to me? I thought she loved me."

  I shake my head, forcing myself not to show any frustration. I'm here to support him and not be petty.

  "Hey, I'm sure she loves you."

  "Really? Then why would she try to sabotage my career? Just to get even because she didn't receive the promotion over me. It's insane, but I'm seeing that nothing is too far-fetched lately."

  I move in further and choose to sit on his desk. My right hand extends out and lands softly on his shoulder. "I don't think she meant to sabotage your career. From what I understand, she felt jealous and overreacted. She let her emotions take over. It happens."

  He scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest while turning away. "It happens? I don't think so. Only a bad person reacts in such a way. I mean you would never do that for one simple reason: you're not pathetic."

  I do my best to contain any excitement that is dying to explode out of me. Corey thinks Katherine is the worst woman on the planet.

  "I'm sorry," he says. "You two are good friends, so I shouldn't be putting you in such a position."

  "It's fine. You're only trying to vent. We all need to do so from time to time. Otherwise it may come out in ways you won't like."

  He shakes his head and wraps a hand over his face. "It's crazier than that. Kat confessed it all to me late last night so I would speak to her again. I thought hearing her admit to what she did would encourage me to get over her betrayal, but honestly, it's made things worse."

  He can't be serious. I have to fight hard not to show how shocked I am. Katherine has tried to take the blame for everything after she found out that Corey apparently sent the email. Have I broken her already? I understood her past would help speed it all along, but not like this. Corey stares at me waiting for a response.

  "Wow. So she admitted it."

  "Yep. Every cruel detail. Wait. Did she admit to emailing Barbara and Jessica when you spoke to her?"

  "No. I could tell she was jealous, but she maintained her innocence all throughout. I honestly didn't know if she sent the email or not. Hell, I even thought someone did it to mess with her, but I can't think of a single person who despises her."

  Corey's gaze fixates on me. I focus in and watch the muscles in his cheeks twitch. He would never say he hates his wife out loud to me, but he might as well be screaming it.

  "Anyway, what can I do for you?" Corey asks.

  "Oh, nothing. I came here to see how you are. I know you probably wouldn't expect this to concern me being Kat's friend, but I'm worried you may think someone could take away your new position from you."

  "What have you heard?" he asks, sitting upright. His eyes remind me of a concerned puppy that's just had its food bowl taken away from it midway through eating.

  "Nothing so far. I doubt Barry wants to get mixed up in this. You know he doesn't handle confrontation well."

  Corey's shoulders slump. "What a relief. I don't think I could continue teaching here if Barry took this new role from me. Not that I could afford to walk away."

  "That won't happen. I'll keep an eye out for anything."

  "Thank you," he says, placing a hand on my arm. The touch of his skin sends a rush throughout my body words cannot describe. All I sense are the ends of my hairs on my arms rising.

  "Any time. I'm here for you, Corey. And I always will be." I stare into his eyes and try to beam my feelings into his brain. Soon he will be mine again. We can forget about Katherine and finally start our lives together.

  Corey's cell beeps out loud, cutting through the mood of the room. I almost grab the damn thing and whip it across the space for daring to interrupt.

  Corey looks at his phone. "Oh, crap," he mutters.

  "Everything okay?" I ask, needing to clear my throat at the same time from all the excitement.

  "Yeah, it's just Kat and Ava are having car troubles. They need me to come pick them up so they can get to school on time."

  "I'll do that for you," I offer like the perfect person would.

  "That would be amazing. Are you sure you have time?"

  I don't. "Plenty. You keep going with your work here while I sort out Kat and Ava."

  He lets a sigh of relief flow out of his parted lips. "Thank you so much. You're a good friend, Annette."

  Friend. The word hurts me more than he could ever appreciate, but soon I won't just be a friend. I'll be so much more. I'll be his everything.

  "I'll get going then," I say as I leave. But a thought occurs to me. One I can't ignore. "Actually, Corey, I have a better idea."

  "What's that?"

  42

  Katherine

  I don't know what to think when Corey texts me that Annette is coming to pick Ava and me up. On one hand, I'm happy that I have such a dedicated friend willing to help in such a rough time, but on the other, I wish that Corey would be the one to rescue us. Then at least I'd know that he still cares.
r />   I shouldn't want him to be there for me after finding out what he did. Self-sabotaging his career to make me feel bad is definitely something I never expected from him. A good marriage shouldn't have to take the brunt of such an act, but I'm giving him another chance so we can move forward. It's why I admitted to emailing Barbara and Jessica late last night despite knowing it was him.

  Corey can be petty. He always needs to be right no matter how much argument it causes. I figure he sent the message to help deflect any guilt he had from getting the promotion. I deserved it over him. He must have known that. Why else would he stoop so low?

  I table the thought and listen for Annette's car to pull up and take Ava and me to school. We won't be late if we can get going in the next ten minutes. Corey will need to drive us home after work if he isn't too mad at me still.

  Sitting in the living room by the front door, I bite my nails one after the other waiting for Annette. I hear a vehicle approaching and realize it can't be Annette's. Curiosity drives me to look out the window. "What?" I blurt when I see Corey has pulled up in his car. I'm so confused.

  "Ava," I say to my daughter. "Turn that off. It's time to go."

  "One more episode, Mommy."

  "No, baby. Come on."

  "Okay," Ava says, dragging her voice along with her body.

  We rush outside and head to Corey's sedan after I lock up. I load Ava in and secure her harness before climbing into my seat at the front of the car like I knew Corey was coming. I don't want to say anything. I'm happy he came instead of sending Annette. Maybe he's no longer angry at me, not that he has a right to be.