Devotion Read online

  I flash a grin at Annette, wishing I could start this day over.

  11

  I can't believe how furious Katherine got over the note. I knew the new location would make her lose her mind, but not as efficiently as it did. Without a doubt, she'll ask to have the letters put to rest as she finally realizes how pathetic the process is.

  What sort of individual can honestly expect to have such a fuss made over them every single day? It's exhausting and childish. She's not sixteen. But then again Katherine is about as naïve a person as they come. To top things off, her sensitivity has always been a commanding force in her life thanks to her ex, Peter. It takes no one long to see how little Katherine can handle. Messing with her is going to be easier than I expected. The complication with the note will only fill her head with more self-doubt and anxiety than she already has.

  From the moment we first spoke, Katherine came across to me as someone I could walk all over and mold into the person I wanted her to be, provided I chose my words correctly. How little effort I would have to make to take advantage of such a feeble mind. Her backbone is made of glass and shatters at the first sign of conflict. I see it at the school so often it has become an embarrassing joke. It's why she always has to have other people ask easy questions on her behalf. A request for someone to watch Ava for a few hours shouldn't be such a difficult task. Pathetic.

  It's the choices Katherine makes when she thinks no one is watching that truly astound me. Only then does her real self come out from hiding.

  Tonight I'm stepping up the game.

  Dinner will be a true test of her failing will. She thought things were all perfect on the honeymoon. The romantic meals, the sightseeing, the endless sessions spent in bed all made her feel invincible, that her world could only get better, not worse for a change. That time is in the past. Expired. Merely the calm before the storm for what I have planned. I hope Katherine enjoyed her break away from reality, because she won't ever find such ignorant bliss again.

  Seeing her reunite with Ava after spending a few hours at the mall reminds me of her biggest weakness. That child is a huge vulnerability to be exploited. People never seem to realize how weak children can make them. But Ava is too easy a target to use for now. No, I need this to be a challenge. I want to break Katherine by twisting her mind again and again until something snaps.

  An outsider looking in might wonder what Katherine has done to deserve such punishment. I don't like to think about it, though. The pain only becomes all too real, pulling my focus away from where it's needed, converting my anger into a crippling sadness I have no control over. I've spent too many nights staring up at the ceiling with thoughts of what Katherine did, only having to face the world the next day and pretend everything is okay.

  I won't slip back into the darkness. Not until Katherine knows what it's like to suffer.

  12

  Katherine

  The mall was a blast, just what I needed to forget about the silly note business. I think I'll tell Corey not to worry about writing them anymore now that we're married. It was selfish of me to expect that much effort from him each day. It's not like I was doing the same for him.

  I get myself ready for dinner with enough time for my mom to help me put Ava down for the night. My little sweetheart doesn't handle being taken to bed by anyone else. Even Corey has trouble, no matter how many attempts he makes or the number of stories he reads her. I see the frustration on his face every time she tells him she only wants Mommy to tuck her in. To add more insult to injury, she won't go to sleep until I've kissed her goodnight. Hopefully, it's just a phase.

  Corey takes me out to one of our favorite restaurants in town, The Wayfinder. With an ocean view of Battery Beach coupled with the sounds of waves crashing on the shore, I remember what I love about this coastal town. I don't think I could ever leave it again, especially now that things are settling down.

  I take a seat in our reserved timber booth by a window overlooking one of the iconic cliff stacks that fill the area. The tide has come in, allowing three-foot waves to break over the edges of the rocks the way it has for longer than I can fathom.

  Corey sits down opposite me as I hold my gaze outside. "I couldn't believe how lucky we were to get this reservation. This restaurant books out fast for a small town."

  "It's easy to see why," I say as I bring my focus back indoors. "I've lost count how many times I've come here over the years."

  In moments like these, I remember that Corey isn't a local of Battery Beach. Sure, I left for a time, but I was born and raised here. He's only lived in the area for a little over six months after taking a job at the school. He used to live and work in Portland, but something urged him to pack up his things and move out to the coast.

  After I first met Corey at school, I had this feeling inside me whenever I spoke to him. That sensation developed into something far stronger after enough time had passed.

  The next six months were a fast-paced blur. We dated, became exclusive, and moved in together in less than three months. Sure, it was quick, but it all felt right. Corey not only showed love for me in such a short time but also for Ava. There's no quicker way to my heart than through my daughter's. Three months later Corey and I are married, have moved into a bigger place, and are celebrating with a fancy dinner after arriving back home from our perfect honeymoon. Things are amazing. At least I think they are.

  The argument we had feels like it was hiding something that's been bothering Corey. He couldn't have exploded over such a small disagreement, could he? All I can do is put a smile on my face and show him how much I love him and hope that he realizes I'll always be here to support him through anything.

  We order our food after having a bottle of the house wine brought to our table. I go with the crab cakes for a starter and the grilled filet mignon with vegetables for a main. Corey picks his favorite: oysters and a thirty-four-ounce rib-eye steak. The meal will cost more than we should spend at the moment. I guess we're still on a honeymoon high and not concerned about finances.

  The wine gets us talking again like we hadn't argued yesterday, putting me at ease. Our starters make their way out during the busy service and go down smooth. As I see our waitress return with our mains, confusion dots my forehead.

  "The rib-eye steak," she says.

  Corey raises a hand.

  "And you must have ordered the salmon," she says, placing down a plate full of food I didn't order.

  "Um, sorry. I asked for the grilled filet mignon with vegetables."

  The young girl's eyes grow concerned as she reaches for her order ticket. She scans our meal. "I'm sorry, ma'am, it says here that you ordered the salmon. See?" She shows me the docket.

  "I didn't order that. I would never order salmon. I can't stand it, sorry." I look to Corey for support. "Honey? You remember, right?"

  He shakes his head and shrugs at us both. "I honestly don't recall."

  I sigh, unable to hide my frustration. "Okay, but you know I hate salmon of all things."

  "Of course, sweetheart, but maybe you accidentally ordered the meal. It's written clearly on the docket. I can't imagine anyone would mix it up with grilled filet mignon."

  "What are you saying?"

  "That you're tired. You made a mistake. Why not try have salmon this one time?"

  "Are you serious?" I ask as my eyes lock in on Corey's.

  "Look, there's no need to cause a scene—"

  "I'm not trying to, but this is ridiculous."

  "Ma'am," the waitress says as her hands clutch at her apron. "I can put in a request for the chef to make you the grilled filet mignon instead if you'd like."

  With my stare locked on to Corey's, I see the answer he wants me to give the girl. I close my eyes for a moment then face her. With a whisper, I say, "No, that won't be necessary. I'll eat the salmon."

  "Are you sure?" she asks. "I can bring you a free bottle of house red."

  I wave her off before I change my mind and apologize for the
interruption. Corey doesn't say a word and cuts up his steak.

  Why the hell didn't he back me up?

  13

  Dinner was perfect. A thick bustle of conversation combined with the clinking of cutlery against plates and bowls set the stage in The Wayfinder. The optimal ambience could only be matched by the continuous rise and fall of the ocean water over the rocks and sand outside.

  The disgust on Katherine's face when the wrong food came out was impossible to ignore. Her reaction couldn't have been rehearsed better if it were part of a Broadway play. The woman is always so soft spoken, so delicate with her words and responses. I was near dumbfounded by the way she addressed the waitress. Of course, the young girl who took the order played her role well, going to the effort of showing Katherine what had been written on the docket, suggesting such a mistake was unthinkable. She earned her bonus fifty dollars tonight.

  It makes me wonder what about this little experiment of mine got Katherine so riled up. Did she really hate salmon that much, or was there something deeper there pushing her one step closer to doubting her every thought?

  Each day I see Katherine presenting herself as this perfect person who never lets a single thing bother her. The people pleaser is always happy to help. It makes me sick. I know the real her and what she's capable of. She's no pushover. When she wants something, Katherine's not afraid to take it no matter the cost.

  My victory this evening may seem insignificant to most, but I implanted a seed deep within Katherine's brain that won't come unstuck anytime soon. Things could have gone any number of ways, but in the end, I couldn't have asked for a better outcome.

  I'm ahead of myself with my plan. I only meant tonight to be a probe to understand how Katherine handles doubt in a public setting. And not just any public setting but her favorite restaurant. There, in a place where she thought she could relax and unwind from the stresses of life, came a test of her resolve. She failed. And more spectacularly than I ever anticipated.

  Piece by piece, I will tear Katherine down until there's nothing left but a pathetic excuse for a human being. I won't have to lay a finger on her body to bring her to complete and utter submission.

  On the drive home, a comfortable silence fills the car. The coastal route seems fitting given the evening's events. I can't help but enjoy the sneer on my face as it creeps through and gives me a slight chuckle at the image of Katherine struggling to comprehend what had happened. How could the world be against her? How could her mind slip in such a way? Impossible, right? Wrong.

  Before long, I'm going to show her the meaning of insanity.

  14

  Katherine

  Dinner fell apart so quickly. I thought Corey and I were having a good time. I'd even assumed he'd forgotten everything from the previous day and wanted to move on from our silly little disagreements. Clearly, he hadn't. If he wasn't still angry at me in the back of his mind, he would have supported me at the restaurant. Instead, he made me look like a petty child who didn't want to eat her food.

  Nevertheless, I can't understand what happened when we ordered. I know in my heart that I didn't say salmon or point to it on the menu. Why the hell would I order something I can barely stand the taste of? Don't get me wrong, I'll eat the stuff when I need to. You grow used to eating fish when you live in this area. But I wouldn't go to an expensive restaurant and request a meal that sounds nothing like grilled filet mignon.

  That girl had it in for me. She must have jotted down the incorrect item when she took our order. Sure, I never saw what she wrote on the notepad, but I can guarantee she wasn't paying attention when I spoke. The worst part was the way she doubled down on her argument. I've worked in the food service industry before and never would I have spoken to a customer in such a way. It almost felt like someone was forcing her to disagree with me. It makes no sense.

  Corey and I arrive home without a word. These silent car trips are starting to annoy me, especially on a night with only the two of us. We were supposed to be patching things up and celebrating our return into town as a married couple. Instead, this is what's happened. I can't believe it.

  Corey puts on an act the second we come through the front door and find my mother sitting in the living room watching TV. It's all smiles and laughs as we sit down at opposite ends of the space and get an event-free report regarding Ava's care for the night.

  "How was dinner?" Mom asks.

  I stretch my fake smile to its limits. "Perfect as ever. They were busy, though."

  "I can imagine. Despite the cost, that place will always be popular. And it's not just with us locals, it's these tourists driving up and down the west coast every other day taking up seats. I'll bet you had a hard time getting that reservation, Corey."

  "Mom," I interrupt, trying to give her the hint that no one cares about her crazy thoughts on visitors. She doesn't seem to understand that a town like Battery Beach needs them to survive.

  "No, it's okay," Corey says. "I did have to book in the minute we got back. I was lucky we could get a seat, really. The table we had was all they had left, and it was by the window."

  "You're kidding," Mom says.

  Corey shakes his head.

  "You won't pull that off again, I can tell you that much." Mom changes the channel on the TV as a commercial comes on. It's an annoying habit she's developed over the years from my late father. The second an advertisement hits the screen, she surfs around until she finds something else. Even if that other show is halfway through airing, she'll watch it. Corey and I have shown her a hundred times how to skip through the ads or better yet how to stream her favorite shows, but she won't listen. She's reached that stage in her mind where nothing new can be learned.

  I had the same struggles with Mom when Ava came along. Mom would show me the old way of doing things doctors and midwives had since eradicated. She didn't want to hear that the world had evolved, or that they had improved the methods used to raise children. One could say it's an age thing, but the older people I know aren't as opposed to learning new things. I'm unlucky, I guess.

  "I'll go check on Ava," I say.

  "Why?" Mom asks. "She's fine. No need to bother the young girl. Let her sleep."

  "I'll be a minute, okay?"

  "Suit yourself," Mom says, waving me off.

  I glance to Corey and see he has already lost any attention for me down into his smartphone. He normally would be up on his feet with me, defending my decision to check on Ava. But there he is, ignoring me, fueling the argument to continue.

  I shake my head as I leave and walk from the living room down the corridor to Ava's bedroom. It backs onto the master and always will. I need to know she's close in case something ever happens to her. I love my little munchkin too much to let harm befall her. If she got hurt because I was too far away to act, I could never forgive myself.

  Seeing her plain white door, I can't help but think of the signs and decorations we are yet to cover this one in to give her room some personality. As best you can in a rental. We did what we could at the last place, hanging posters wherever possible. I always want Ava to feel like any house we live in is ours even if it belongs to someone else. One day, I'll buy her our dream home.

  I twist open her door with care and poke my head in a crack. I hear her soft breathing within, matching the rise and fall of her lungs. Ava's arms are splayed out the way only little kids can sleep. Her blankets are a mess from her tossing and turning, and her worn stuffed giraffe has fallen to the floor. I pick up Jeffry and snuggle him into Ava's arms. I'll never understand why she named him that. A smile forms on her lips as she takes comfort in feeling Jeffry's gentle synthetic fur against her skin.

  I finish tucking Ava in and give her a warm kiss on the forehead. No matter what kind of day I've had, she always cheers me up by lying there and being her own sweet innocent self. Only a child can manage such a feat.

  "Mommy?" Ava asks with one eye open.

  "It's okay, honey. Go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake
you."

  "Can I have some water, please?"

  "Of course." I slowly rise and head for the bathroom, taking Ava's empty mug with me. When I walk into the room and switch on the light, I almost drop the cup when I spot Corey standing in the doorway to our bedroom.

  "You scared me. What are you doing here in the dark?"

  "I was seeing if you needed help, but it appears you've got things covered. Besides, it's not like she'll want me to go in there and comfort her back to sleep."

  I place my hands on my hips. "Come on. Don't be like that. She loves you."

  "I don't think so."

  "She does. You know it. This bedtime thing is only because it's always been just the two of us for the most part. It's a habit."

  "I understand, but I guess I wonder why you keep going in there and waking her up. Wouldn't that only make this habit last longer than it should?"

  I feel my forehead tighten up as I struggle to find anything to say back to him. "I was only tucking her in. She gets cold in the night if I don't."

  "That's fine, but you always sit in there longer than you need to until she wakes up. Maybe it's time to let her work out how to get through the night on her own. She is five."

  "What would you know?" I snap. "You've never had kids." My hand flies to my mouth. I regret my choice of words.

  Corey's nostrils flare as he exhales a lungful of anger while holding his gaze. Before I can say anything, he shoves past me.

  "Corey, wait," I call after him, but he doesn't stop. I don't follow and instead listen to him gather up his keys to leave.

  Another perfect night.

  15

  After seeing Katherine's behavior tonight, I can't help but think about how this all came to be. Thoughts enter my head of how swiftly she allows such big decisions in her life to occur. The wedding is the perfect example, given how fast the whole thing happened. It was a snap commitment made to her with little regard, but I guess it was no surprise the way she fell in line with the romantic notion. From day one, she was a willing participant who only wanted to please.