Don't Let Me Die: A gripping psychological thriller Read online

  “Next time one of you attacks, I shoot. Got it?”

  I nod as blood flows over my eyes. I clean the wound with a wipe of my sleeve.

  Karlo paces around us with total control. “You Turners need to relax a little. The plan never involved killing any of you. We are taking your shit either way. Once those documents are processed, that house is ours.”

  I close my eyes and let out a quiet “thank you” to myself.

  “However,” Karlo says. The word hangs in the air and drops down on me hard. I almost stop breathing.

  “You have all shown me nothing but disrespect tonight. I think it’s time one of you paid the price.” Karlo steps up to Frank and Darren and stares me in the face with those beady, black eyes. “Emma.”

  I shudder as I glance up to his gaze. “Yes?”

  “Choose.”

  My mind goes blank at the word. I can’t speak for a second. All I can do is repeat his command. “Choose?”

  “You heard me. One of them must die to make things right. Frank or Darren: who’s it going to be?”

  “What?” I yell. “You can’t make me do this.”

  Karlo responds by holding the pistol to their heads. “Either one of them dies, or they both die. Simple as that.”

  My eyes dart between them. Frank and Darren plead with their eyes, each conveying a single message: “Don’t let me die.”

  “Come on, Emma. Choose. Your husband or your son. One lives. One dies.”

  “No,” I say. “Fuck you. I choose me. You can kill me and let them go.” I’m standing when I say this. Karlo shoves past them and puts me back on the ground. The gun presses into my chin.

  “It doesn’t work like that. You must pick. You decide their fate.”

  I hear myself crying. “No, I won’t.”

  “Then they both die, Emma. Right now, in front of you. Is that what you want?”

  I try to crawl back as Karlo retakes his position behind Frank and Darren. “I don’t want any of this.”

  “Of course you don’t. No one wants bad things to happen to them, do they? But bad things happen to good people, Emma.”

  I gulp air in and spew it back out, desperate to breathe. I feel like the open field doesn’t hold enough oxygen to keep me conscious. I try to focus my energy on finding Karlo’s dead eyes. I lock on to them and beg. “You don’t have to do this.”

  “I know, Emma. But sometimes you just have to bite the bullet, so to speak.”

  My face drops again. I am defeated. There’s nothing more I can do or say.

  “Clock is ticking, Emma. Time to choose.”

  I shake my head again as thoughts of choosing one of them inevitably creep into my mind. I can’t believe I’m contemplating what Karlo wants. My brain flicks between the two: Darren. Frank. My husband. My son. I shake my head, trying not to vomit.

  I don’t get to consider an alternative scenario before Darren stands up and says, “Kill me, asshole. I’m the one.”

  Karlo knocks him back down. “No. She chooses. Not you.” The black eyes switch focus to me and stab into my soul. “You’ve got five seconds, Emma. Who’s it going to be? Five . . . ”

  I drown out Karlo’s countdown as I see the pistol hover between Darren and Frank. I know what I need to do, but I can’t find the words.

  “Two, One.” Karlo moves the barrel of the gun to his first victim.

  I hold up my hand to tell him to stop. I look to the person I’ve chosen. It’s all Karlo needs from me to do what he planned all along.

  Time slows down.

  My heart doesn’t beat.

  I leave my body.

  The sound of the gun firing rips through the night air as I fall to the ground in a heap. Karlo laughs to himself as he scoops up his documents and walks back around to the driver’s seat of his idling car.

  “Was that so hard, Emma?” he asks me before he climbs into his sedan and drives off without a care in the world.

  I’m left sitting over the body of the one I’ve murdered while the survivor crawls away from me.

  I am poison.

  Forty-Eight

  After.

  I wake up in a pool of sweat inside James’s car. We are pulled over at another gas station as I remember where I am. James got a lead from his guy that Karlo is heading our way. The hope is that he stops off at a motel along the way so we can confront him.

  “Everything okay?” he asks me, concern dotting his eyes.

  “Yeah,” I say. “I think I had a flashback is all.”

  “Jesus.”

  I nod. Silence fills the air.

  James clears his throat. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

  I turn to him in the seat, the leather squeaks. “What?”

  “Do you remember yet who you . . . well, you know, chose?”

  I twist away. The flashback I had was still incomplete. My brain still won’t allow me to face it, but more and more details are coming back. I shrug to James without making eye contact. “I don’t want to remember, ever . . . but I know it’s eventually going to be crystal clear in my mind what happened. Some things can’t be blocked out, I guess.”

  “Maybe you could find some kind of experimental thing done to wipe your memory to a certain point in time.”

  I scoff. “This isn’t some make-believe world, James. There’s only one way to stop myself from remembering, and I failed to do it.”

  “You mean suicide?”

  “Yes. It’s not a pleasant thing to discuss, but if you’re going to be a part of my life again, you have to face certain realities.”

  James holds his expression. Never letting any judgment come through to his thoughts. I should commend him for coming this far without doing so. He really wants to make amends.

  “Do you still want to do it?” he asks.

  “Kill myself?”

  “Yeah.”

  I think about the question for a moment. The image of the scissors hidden in my bed at the hospital comes to mind. I’m here in his car, waiting to confront the man who changed my very existence.

  “Right now, I have a purpose and a reason to be here. All I can do is move forward one day at a time.”

  James leans over toward me and grabs my shoulder. “I’m always going to be here for you from now on. Anything you need, I’m there. For a change, I’m going to be the one doing the helping.”

  “Thank you,” I say. I can tell this means a lot to him.

  “Excuse me for a moment. I’m just going to get an update on Karlo from my guy.” James jumps out of the car and makes a call, possibly not wanting me to be too involved with whoever his contact is. I don’t want to know either. I’ve had enough of the criminal world for one lifetime.

  James hops back in the car and starts the engine. A flood of warm air rushes through the vehicle. “Got him. He’s stopped off at a motel not far from here. My guy’s got him cornered and will keep him busy until we arrive. Are you ready to do this?”

  I don’t think I could ever be ready to face Karlo, but I know I should.

  “Let’s go.”

  We drive about ten miles down the road and pull in to fleabag motel a few streets off the main road. James pulls up next to a late model Mustang with tinted windows. He climbs out without a word and speaks to a man through a half-open window. James pulls out an envelope stuffed with what I assume is money and passes it through. In return, he gets a set of keys with the number six on a plastic tag.

  The other car reverses out and drives off in a hurry. James opens my door and squats down.

  “Karlo is in that room across the way. He’s tied up and can’t lay a finger on you. It’s time to face him.”

  I nod sharply, unsure if this is the best thing to do. I want justice for my family, but at what cost? Something doesn’t feel right about the situation. That’s when I spot the old sedan parked out front of the room. It’s the same one I’ve seen twice before. The same vehicle that will forever stain my memories.

  When James puts th
e key in the lock, my heart speeds up. I stand behind him with crossed arms and try to hide. James moves into the room with confidence and guides me in. He shuts the door after me and locks it. Every window is covered with curtains.

  I find Karlo on the bed in the main area. He is gagged and bound with both arms tied behind his back. His legs have been chained together, and there is blood coming from his shaved head.

  “Apparently, he put up a bit of a struggle,” James says.

  Karlo rolls over toward us and stares at me. His brow twists up, and he tries to scream at me through the gag.

  James moves toward Karlo and squats down beside him. “I’m going to take off your gag. We just want to have a little chat, okay?”

  Karlo says nothing. James slowly undoes the gag and slides it down. Karlo doesn’t scream. He instead goes for a different tactic.

  “You’re both dead, you hear me. As soon as I’m out of these ropes, I’m going to kill you.”

  James doesn’t flinch. He pulls out a pistol and holds it to Karlo’s head. “Now is that any way to speak to the lady?”

  “Hey, I was just messing around. No need to do that.”

  “That’s what I thought.”

  “Where did you get that?” I ask, avoiding using James’s name. There is no need for Karlo to find out who he is.

  “It’s his. My guy found it on him. Unfortunately, it’s the only way to communicate with people like Karlo.”

  “What the hell do you want?” Karlo yells toward the weapon still pointed at his face.

  “Simple. We want a confession. It’s no secret you’ve been stalking Emma’s family for Victor. We want to hear you admit it.”

  “Admit what? I didn’t stalk anyone for Victor. He would never want me to do that.”

  James stands up and paces around. “Somehow I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.” He pulls back the hammer on the pistol and aims it straight at Karlo’s head.

  “Okay, okay. I’ll talk. Just move that thing away from me.”

  James tilts his head and lowers the gun. “Talk.”

  “I was harassing them for Victor. So what? They deserved it. Those assholes weren’t going to help Victor out after his accident.”

  My fists clench as I hear the confession. I charge in, unable to hide my anger. “Why did you do it? Why did you kill one of them?”

  “Whoa. What are you talking about?”

  “You shot someone in my family. Killed them in front of me, didn’t you?”

  Karlo glances from me to James. “Don’t look at him. He’s not going to help you.”

  He stares around the room as if there’s some way for him to escape. I grab his chin and feel the buildup of stubble. “Admit what you did.”

  “No. Forget you, bitch,” he yells. Karlo rolls away and off the bed. He falls to the ground, making a thud. I chase after him.

  “Emma,” James says. “Keep the noise down. Someone might hear—”

  “Bullshit. Give me that thing.” I snatch the pistol out of James’s hand and aim it down at Karlo. My words only come out with spit. “Admit what you did.”

  “No. Fuck you,” he replies.

  I shove the barrel into his face and wrap my finger around the trigger. His eyes almost pop out of his head.

  “Okay, I’m sorry. I did it. Please don’t kill me. I’ll do anything. I’ll go to the cops. Just don’t shoot me.”

  I squeeze the trigger a little as I remember the look in the eyes of Darren and Frank when they both knew one of them was about to die. They stare at me with a sting of betrayal, but one knew their fate was sealed the minute Karlo made me choose.

  I had no other option.

  It had to be Darren.

  Frank was still so young.

  Frank was our son.

  I let out a scream as I throw the gun and fall back to the floor. The pistol drops on the bed as I cry out loud. James grabs me and picks me up.

  “It’s okay. Just let it out.”

  I sob into his chest and look at Karlo, who has urinated all over the ground. He has fallen silent, but his eyes are wild and confused. I couldn’t kill him. No matter how badly he wronged me. I’m not that person. I know that now.

  “Let’s go,” I say. I turn to leave, heading for the door.

  “Not yet,” James says.

  I don’t get the chance to comprehend what happens next until it is too late.

  I hear James picking up the pistol and shooting a single bullet. I jump back and see Karlo dead on the ground as my brother stands over him with a shocked face of his own.

  Silence fills the world.

  “I had to do it,” he says, hands shaking. “I couldn’t let him get away with it. He—”

  “What have you done?” I ask him.

  He turns to me with wild eyes before he snaps back to reality. “We have to go.” He grabs me with rough hands, dragging me toward the only exit.

  We rush out the door and run to his car.

  Within a minute, we drive off in a hurry, heading for the I-55.

  Forty-Nine

  We drive in silence. I don’t say a thing as James stops off at the next gas station and throws the pistol into a dumpster after wiping it clean.

  We head back home without a word for several hours. James is the one to break the quiet.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think straight. I—”

  “It’s okay,” I say. “He deserved it. I only wish I had pulled the trigger. I was too scared to do what needed to be done. I should be thanking you and not be asking for your forgiveness.”

  “Emma, no. You’re not that person. I’m not that person, either. I shouldn’t have gotten involved like this. I screwed everything up. I always do.”

  “No, you didn’t. He’s dead. I can move forward. I can start over and—” I think about Darren. It doesn’t take long for the tears to flow. “Did you know?”

  “Know what?”

  “That Darren was dead?”

  James lets out a huff of warm air. “Yes. Everyone knows. The doctors told me never to mention it at all, that you needed to arrive at that moment on your own.”

  I shake my head. “How could I let that happen? I watched him kill my Darren.”

  “It’s not your fault, Emma. You didn’t cause this to happen.”

  “I did. I failed to protect my family. And now I’m left with a son who will never speak to me again.” I can see the shock in Frank’s eyes in the back of my mind. I killed his father. He will never forget that.

  “Maybe with enough time he will.”

  “Have you seen him?”

  “No, I didn’t want to disrupt him. He’s back in school and coping somewhat okay. He’s a tough kid. Maybe right now he blames you, but soon he’ll realize it wasn’t your doing.”

  I sniff as I try to stop crying. I hate my vulnerabilities being out in the open like this, especially with James. We haven’t properly seen each other in years, and this is how we end up reconnecting. Life is one screwed-up train wreck.

  We drive in silence again for another hour. I stare out the window as the daylight begins to fade. I will need to check in soon with Doctor Shaw. I don’t know how I’m going to speak with her without breaking down. She will recognize that something happened during my leave.

  “So,” James says, breaking the silence, “have you given any thought to my idea?”

  “What idea?” I say with a grunt.

  “About not going back to the hospital. I can take care of you. You won’t need to worry about money. I have a place for you to stay so you can start over.”

  I think about his idea for a minute. It would be good to wipe the slate clean and reinvent myself. I could change my name, cut my hair, and become a new person. The only thing stopping me is Frank. He already hates me enough as it is. If I abandon him now, his hatred will be cemented forever. I owe it to him to complete my treatment at the hospital.

  “I’m going back,” I say to James.

  “Are you sure? The offer stil
l stands if you change your mind,” he says.

  “I’m positive.”

  James doesn’t give me his reassuring smile. It’s almost like I’ve offended him by declining.

  “We should be back for bedtime,” he says. “What are you going to tell the doctor?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, we are coming back a day early. She might get suspicious.”

  I hadn’t thought of that at all. I had too many dark images running through my head instead. “I’ll say I felt overwhelmed and needed to come back. She’ll understand.” It wasn’t much of a lie.

  James nods, giving me a skeptical look he used to use on me when we were teenagers.

  He always had my back when we were young. After today, I can never doubt his commitment again.

  Fifty

  We arrive at the hospital with a few hours to spare. James takes me inside and walks me to the doctor. We find Shaw in the day room with the help of an orderly. James has a visitors’ badge on and does what he can to avoid the stares and shrieks of the other patients.

  “Emma. I wasn’t expecting you to be back until tomorrow. Is everything okay?”

  “Yes. I felt I should come back tonight and sleep here. I need the familiarity.”

  “That’s perfectly fine. You can still spend the day with your brother tomorrow if you’d like.”

  I turn to James. “I think he’s had enough of me for one day.”

  “No,” James says. “I’d be more than happy to come visit you again.”

  “Very well, then,” Shaw says. “Come back around nine tomorrow morning, and you can head out on another day trip.”

  “Sounds good, Doc,” James says. “I better head off, then, hadn’t I?”

  “You can stay for a little while longer.”

  James gives Shaw a smile. “Thank you. I will.”

  We take a seat in the day room and try to talk. It’s hard after what we both went through today. An awkward silence fills the air like the first time he visited. I don’t know what else to say.

  “Maybe I should go.”

  “You don’t have to. I enjoy sitting here with you.”